Mood Swings Thanks to Corona!

The Coronavirus lockdown does not lock thoughts floating in and out of the brain. Sometimes my brain works overtime sometimes it shuts down.

Here are some thoughts, some my own and some borrowed from the stuff I have read in the last few days and have stuck with me.

There was an initial disbelief that this virus could really be deadly. The first two months of this year the response was a bit lethargic as it was widely believed to be restricted to the Wuhan province,China.

If there is a slightest bit of concern,the western world especially the US is the first to react and give travel advisories.The world looks at them for protocols and guidance.Clearly Europe & USA downplayed the threat and are worse off for it.

Be that as it may. Here in India we are under a lockdown to escape the virus and its spread and there are multiple emotions which are swirling inside us.

Lenin’s quote, “There are decades when nothing happens, and there are weeks when decades happen” is the oft repeated quote of the month.

That is exactly how it feels.

Specific to Mumbai, the deluge which we once faced on 26 July, 2005 taught us to fear rains and now any sign of heavy rainfall keeps us indoors. The State Government then got flak that they did not communicate to the citizens about the gravity of the situation and they have learned and have done much better job in subsequent crises.

I remember a similar scare when there were terrorist attacks in Mumbai in 2008 or the 9/11. It did fundamentally change the fear perception for quite some time. The external wounds have healed but the scars took a long time to heal.

The questions which repeatedly comes in our minds are many.

When will this end? After it does, maybe in a couple of month,will we ever travel fearlessly? Will we throng night clubs and bars and concerts?

Will we ever send our kids abroad to study or to work? As a mom whose only child is in the US, Iam conflicted. Can we forever protect our children? My rational mind says we cannot. But a lockdown of this scale where we cannot fly and reach our kids nor can they come back in a safe way was never a part of the equation. This is a googly from nowhere and our heart is looking for a vaccine.

It is even harder when our elderly parents are left alone to fend for themselves.

Technology makes it easier somewhat. You cannot hug and touch friends and family but can see them and converse with them and see how they are holding up.

We have discovered that work from home for many many professions is not an impossibility. Productivity has not suffered too much, in fact friends tell me that they are actually doing better work without other distractions.

So there are these contrary emotions of pessimism and optimism playing out in our minds and depending on the news flow,we swing between them.

 I think it’s ok.

It’s ok to be wrong about our expectation of the damage this virus will inflict on us mentally as well as financially.

It’s ok to feel great, grateful for the roof on our heads and the food on our tables.

It’s ok to despair about ourselves and our loved ones health. It’s ok to fear disease and death.

 It’s ok to be a little irritable of our spouse’s eccentricities which get magnified when you are together 24/7.

It’s ok to mourn the loss of good part of two months. Income lost, holidays postponed and the routines disrupted.

It’s ok not to have all the answers for ourselves and live in a limbo.

It’s ok to become a little depressed as the realization hits us that we control very little of our lives.

Just be.

And let this pass.

It will be ok.